Death of a Tyrant

Someone on Reddit challenged me to make a story using only dialogue. Here is my attempt:

"Harmony, if you're trying to sneak up and scare me, you're failing abysmally."

"How did you know I was here?"

"Oh, I don't know, maybe the creaking floorboards underneath your feet, or perhaps the smell of the perfume you use to mask your slight death scent? Oh, not to mention the sound of breathing coming from your pseudodragon."

"How are you so good at this?"

"Perks of being blind, I suppose. And the fact that I'm a werewolf doesn't hurt any, either."

"You never cease to amaze me, Firather."

"So what can I get for you today? The usual?"

"I am actually here to hide."

"Another overzealous stake-wielding monster hunter, I take it?"

"Worse."

"Worse? What could possibly be worse than--oh. Oh gods. You don't mean your ex is here, do you?"

"One of his pets spotted me a little while ago. It is only a matter of time before he shows up. Would you mind hiding me here?"

"You can hide in the wine cellar. If he shows up, I'll play dumb."

"You are a lifesaver. Truly."

"Anything for you, my friend."

...

"Welcome to Tina's Tavern! What can I do for you, sir?"

"Pardon me, but I'm looking for my daughter. She didn't happen to stop by here, did she?"

"I've had plenty of people stop by here. Can I get a name and a description?"

"Her name's Harmony. Tiefling girl, about fifteen years old. Pale blue skin covered in scars, dark hair, red eyes, horns that curl up like the ones on a ram."

"You...an elf...have a daughter who's a tiefling?"

"She's adopted."

"Ah, that makes sense."

"You happen to see her here?"

"Can't say that I have. I'll gladly keep an eye out for her. You have a way for me to contact you if she stops by?"

...

"Sir?"

"I don't believe you."

"Come again?"

"I said I don't believe you. I think you're hiding her."

"Want me to give you a grand tour of the place to prove she's not here?"

"Yes. I want to see every nook and cranny of this establishment."

"Not a problem, sir. Ari! Be a good lad and watch the bar while I help this gentleman look for his daughter."

"On it, boss!"

"Now, let's see if we can find her hiding out somewhere. We'll go ahead and take a look around the dining room to make sure she's not hiding under any tables...or perhaps behind the curtains--are you okay, sir?"

"Never mind that. Spent a good bit of time in the Underdark so I'm still a bit sensitive to sunlight."

"The Underdark? What in the nine hells were you doing down there?"

"It wasn't by choice, I'll tell you that much."

"Ohh, you must have escaped slavery down there! Which society were you enslaved to? Drow? Duergar? Kuo-Toa? Mind flayers?"

"It's not your business. Ask me again and I'll rip out your throat."

"My apologies, sir. Didn't mean to pry. Now if you'll follow me into the back, we can search the kitchen...perhaps she's hiding in one of the many cabinets? Hmm...or maybe she could be cooling off in the ice box? No, doesn't seem to be here either. Perhaps she might be upstairs in one of the rented rooms. Guests will definitely--"

"What's that underneath those boxes?"

"Ah, that's the cellar. But that's been blocked off for--"

"Open it."

"I was just saying--"

"I said open it."

"I really doubt anyone's down there--"

"Now."

"Okay, fine, let me just...move...these...heavy...boxes..."

"If you moved them one at a time it would be easier."

"Oh...right...yes. Sorry, sir, I'm just a bit flustered so it's hard to think straight. Yes, that's much easier to--by the Seldarine! Who the hells put that there of all places? Ow! Gods! I think my foot might've broken! Hells! Where the hells did I put my healing potions? Did I--oh, dear, I must've broken them too during the fall. I swear, somebody's gonna lose their job over this! GODS!"

"By Tiamat's claws, I'll do it. Since you're obviously incompetent at your job."

"Really, there's no need to--oh. My. You already did it. You a wizard or something?"

"Yes. Now open the cellar door."

"Right away, sir. Just gotta find the key...I know it's in one of these pockets...not that one, not...oh. You magically unlocked it. Well, then. I'll just...open it now. Where the hells? I thought there was supposed to be a ladder here or something. Did the previous owner take it with them for some--why am I feeling lighter all the sudden?"

"Feather Fall. Now jump."

"...Understood. Gods, it's cooler than I thought it'd be down here. Maybe I'll have to pay someone to install a set of stairs so we can keep our cold foods down here instead of having to import ice all the way from Icewind Dale."

"The wine barrels. They're large enough for a person to hide in. Open them."

"You really think that's necessary? As I've said before, no one's come down here since before I took ownership of--"

"Do as I say."

"I really don't think--"

"Would you rather me set the barrels on fire?"

"...No, sir. I'll open them. Let's just...no, not that one, nope, not here either and--GODS! Sorry, didn't expect a family of rats to be living down here. Maybe that's where the infestation is coming from."

"Get on with it!"

"Right. Sorry. Continuing on with this next barrel--"

"You skipped one."

"I did? Oh. I guess I did. I don't know how I could've missed that. Let me just...oh, gods. It smells absolutely awful in this one. What the hells is in here?"

"It's a dead body."

"It's a...oh. Oh, gods. How? How long has this been here?"

"Far too decomposed to be her. Keep looking."

"Very well. I'll open the next one. Let me just continue on...no, not that one, nothing but wine in here...oh. That one smells like beer. But nothing in there either. And it smells like there's champagne in this one...and this one... and wow, this one's whiskey. An entire barrel of whiskey. Seems I hit the jackpot here. And this next one is... completely empty. Either the previous owners just left an empty barrel in here or someone's been--"

"It's not empty."

"It's...not?"

"It's too heavy to be--what are you doing?"

"Me? I'm not doing anything. What's happening?"

"I can't move my--mmmffff"

"Seems you are not the only vampiric wizard in the room. Darling."

"Mmmmffff!"

"That's it, Firather! Keep him gagged. I will tie him up in case he breaks free of my magic."

"You got it, chief. Want me to slash my claws into him a few times for good measure? Give him a little taste of his own medicine?"

"Be my guest."

"Mmmmffff! Mmmmmfffff!!!"

"Hurts, doesn't it? And judging by all the horrible things my friend has told me about you, I don't feel sorry for you one bit."

"I have him tied up. You make sure he cannot start speaking again. Otherwise he may retake control of me."

"Don't you worry. This belt I've gagged him with is made of the toughest leather in all of Faerun."

"Mmmmmfff!!!"

"We make a great team, don't we, Harmony?"

"We absolutely do."

"What do we wanna do with him?"

"I think if we break up that empty wooden barrel we could make a decent stake with it."

"You do realize that you have the power to become a true vampire, right?"

"Why would I need to? My magic can already mimic the vast majority of the powers of a true vampire. Changing shape, turning to mist, summoning creatures to aid me in battle. The only thing I cannot do is create spawn, and I do not really want that kind of power anyways."

"I can respect that. You wanna say something to him before we turn his lights out forever?"

"And give him the opportunity to figure out a way to get the upper hand again? No. Besides, he already knows what he did. And he will never feel sorry about it. He is just sorry he got caught."

"Then I guess there's nothing more to do. Does this look like it'll do the job?"

"I believe so. Hold him down so he does not squirm.

"As you wish, m'lady."

"Mmmmmfffff!!!!!"

"Yes, yes, you are begging for my mercy. Well guess what? You are not getting any."

"...Dang. Didn't realize a vampire's blood could splatter that much."

...

"Are you okay?"

"I am...free. I am finally free. The source of my nightmares, my agony, my terror. He is truly dead. I do not have to be afraid anymore."

"And? How does it feel?"

"Like taking a breath of fresh air for the first time in over four centuries. I half expect to wake up and realize this was all a dream."

"Well, it seems pretty real to me."

"...We should probably do something about that half-decayed corpse over there. And probably the rats, too."

"And this pathetic sack of flesh as well."

"I think a good disintegration spell ought to do the trick."

"I'm still amazed that you became this powerful of a wizard in...six months?"

"Seven, actually."

"Well, either way. Seven months ain't that long of a time. Even for mortal human standards."

"My old master's spellbook has been quite the asset. The only good thing that I ever got from that sadistic pedophile."

"So he actually turned you at the age of fifteen? And then proceeded to force you to..."

"Yes. He did. He says his only regret is that he wished I had been even younger."

"That's disgusting. I'm glad his days are over."

"Thank you, Firather. For helping to put a permanent end to him. I owe you my life."

"We're friends, aren't we? You don't owe me anything."